azamithesadist

So I'm on this kick of drawing different, cutesy, cartoony marshmallows. Why? Because they're fun and easy to draw. Sometimes simplicity does it for me.

How many mallows will there be? At this point, I don't know. Considering the enjoyment I derive from drawing them, this could go on for awhile.

Why am I bothering to write a journal entry about? Because I wanted to! Yeah! That's it! You  got a problem!? Well if you do, SCREW YOU BUDDY! Yeah, I said it. Take that. UMPH! -hip thrust- Don't mess with me or I'll sick Debil Mallow on your ankles, biatch.

Anyway, I think I might go draw another mallow.

~Ta.

So, I have almost a week off from work. I'm not sure how it ended up like that, but hey. Who am I to complain? I want to get some art projects that I started awhile actually finished. And I'd like to record some new music. Those two goals are part of a long list of intended activities.  I want to get my room re-organized and cleared out (purge the crap and such). I want to switch out the bookshelves. I want to move my garden box. I want to mail a few packages and write a couple of letters. I'd also like to do some creative writing, work on the book I've been trying to write for...well...forever.

So these all sounds like well-meaning, productive desires, yeah? But the question is...will I actually accomplish all of them? Ideally, yes. Realistically, no. So... instead of getting all of that done, I'm just going to make like, ONE mandatory. The rest, if they happen, so be it. The more I feel like I HAVE to do something, the less I want to do it. If I feel pressured or expected to do something, I want no part of it- even when I'm doing the pressuring and expecting. Kind of funny that way.

Yeah. I think I'm actually going to go do some writing...or art...or pick up my guitar. Or maybe I'll just loaf around online or stare at the wall for awhile. Whatever happens, happens. I'm so good at being non-committal and vague. It's awesome.

Fuck. I lost my train of thought. Oh well. I'm tired of typing anyway.

In the spirit of Strong Bad and Teen Girl Squad...

IT'S OVER!

when he said that hell is other people. So yeah... I'm annoyed, really annoyed. With what, you ask? People. Yup. I know I know..that's pretty common. But like, sometimes I get to a point where when someone even sneezes, I want to yell at them and tell them to shut the hell up. Maybe that's crazy, maybe that's cold.. but I know at least one person knows what I'm saying. (And no I don't have anyone in particular in mind. It's just a general sort of reference).

But yeah... so I hate people. This is common knowledge to some folks that know me well enough. It might not be a suprise to others that weren't aware. Now, I like certain individuals, or groups of individuals. Particular people are okay... but the big ole hot mess of them? Nah, no thanks.

It's just like... the littest things get to me sometimes. It all builds up and then BOOM. I'm all like GRRRR f*ck you. Haha.. I'm kind of amused by my own temperament sometimes. I dunno...

THis is totally a pointless rant, and I don't really expect anyone to keep reading as I keep going on. What spurned this little text-based verbal tirade? LIke I said, the little things.

I have a friend who's always passing me links to crappy videos by crappy bands (on youtube, of course). And they're always like "I know you're not really into this kind of music but..." So... you already know I'm not gonna like it? Then WHY THE F*CK are you showing me?! So yeah, most of the time I don't like it, and I say so. And then she gets all butt-hurt. The hell?!? So you feed me this crap, expecting me not to like it, and then are disappointed when your assumptions are correct? Do you like rejection? Good lord. Take your complex elsewhere and leave me alone, thank you. Sheesh.

You know what else really gets me? People who are all depressed and everything and don't do SQUAT about it? I mean... I understand being down, having a hard time. I more than get that. I've been there myself. Hell, I saw some pretty dark days, once upon a time. But...I did something about it. I made efforts to change myself and my life. I took the bad parts and worked on them, and with the proper help I found my way out of the darkness. Sure.. some days are still rough, and I wonder what the hell I'm doing. HOWEVER... people who are do NOTHING but sit around their parents house, not doing a goddamn thing with themselves, depressed about going nowhere... they need to catch a damn clue. MAYBE... just maybe... if you did something with yourself you might get somewhere.

"It's too hard." "I'm already doomed" "There's no point"

Blahblahblahemof*ckinkidwhinningBLAH. Excuses. Please, I don't think so.

So okay... I'm stop there. Enough ranting from me.

Like I said... I don't like people. Maybe you can tell? >_> ...

C'est la vie, and some such like that.

[/rant]

Man. You know that saying, "When it rains, it pours"? Yeah... that is really... really really true. I experienced a number of emotional moments tonight, and most of them weren't my own. Two of my best friends have had quite a time the last few days.

First Sarah tells me that Trina's upset. So naturally I get a hold of Trina and she asked if she could come over for awhile because she didn't want to be at home. So I'm like sure, come on over. This included her three children (ages 3, 5, and 7). I was elected captain of the fun patrol for the wee ones. I took them to the park, we play a rousing game of duck duck goose that somehow turned into cheeseburger milkshake french fries. Trina cried and talked with me and my mom. Then Mandy came over to console her, etcetc. Yeah.. basically what happend was that she came home from picking up the kids, and she found a note. "I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. The kids are too much for me to handle. etcetc I love you. etcetc" Blah. She looked around and all of his things were gone. Apparently, he was planning on this. And this was AFTER he spent the entire day with her, being all lovey dovey. I guess he wanted to get in some last moments. : / BLAH. So yeah... that was just lovely. Jerkface.

So then I call another best friend, Jules, to check up on her. She's on her fourth pregnancy (yes, fourth. Jeebus), and they've all been a little rough, so yeah. Well I'd called her the other day, and no answer. Then she calls me late yesterday, but then when I call back, no answer. Turns out, she had the baby premature (about 6 weeks), and the baby is in ICU. Of course, I was upset, my mom & brother were upset, Jules is upset. OI. But, the baby is doing better, and Jules is hanging in there.

But yeah... full day of emotional moments. Good lord. Well, hopefully there will be an upturn around the corner. So now, I'm just gonna put on my headphones and let the music flow. W3rd. I'm out.

So, I'm up exceedingly late, yet again. This isn't anything new for me. The Insomnia monster and I have a love/hate relationship... It loves me dearly while I hate it with a seething passion. Hm... well maybe seething is a strong word, but I kind of like the emotion it conjurs. >>

Anyway, I'm not really sure why I'm even doing a journal entry as I don't really have anything important to say. Tonight isn't one of those 'reflect upon the world and it's many components' kind of nights. Oh well. I have plenty of those anyway. Change is good. Then again, this isn't really a chance. Nevermind.. I've completely lost my train of thought.

I'm working on some new sketches and another installment to the series of abstract submissions that I've been doing. I have a list of people I still need to do avatar art for. However, they're not commissions so I don't really have any kind of deadline. I just do it when the mood strikes me. Woot.

Okay, that's enough. I'm tired of my yammering. Yammer yammer yammer. Good lord.

~A.